Who You Love
by inkstainedhearts
Summary: Rose knows that her friendship with the Doctor is clouded with emotions as it is, but she can't help but find herself falling harder and harder for him. As she draws closer, he pulls away. Can they keep fighting these feelings, or will their running just cause them to run into themselves?
1. Nightmares and New Boundaries

**A/N: This story was inspired by the song "Who You Love" by John Mayer featuring Katy Perry. I will use lyrics from the song throughout the story.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or any of its characters. Thank you!**

**Enjoy!**

**xxxxxxxx**

"Oh, you can't make yourself stop dreaming

Who you're dreaming of.

If it's who you love,

Then it's who you love."

Rose bolted upright, her hands clutching the covers around her in a tight grasp. Surely her knuckles were white. Her eyes wildly darted around her small room, which was cloaked in complete darkness. Shivers ran up and down her spine, yet she felt drops of cold sweat running down her forehead. Realizing she could see nothing but utter blackness, Rose let her eyes flutter shut and inhaled slowly. Her breath caught in her throat on the exhale.

This was the fourth night this week that she had found herself in this state: woken from a horrible nightmare, drenched in fear. Every time it was the same dream, a dream in which she lost the most brilliant person she had ever known: the Doctor.

She saw something shift in the corner of the room. Her breath hitched and she felt her body stiffen, paralyzed in terror.

"D—Doctor?" she called out to the darkness. "Is that you?"

The presence made its way closer to her bed. Rose's eyes widened, straining while trying to see what stood before her. Her mind raced, images of various aliens running through her head. Her thoughts lingered on the most malevolent of the aliens that she and the doctor had encountered in their adventures.

"Rose, is everything alright? I heard you crying out in your sleep," whispered the presence before her, now close enough for her to make out an outline of his body.

Rose felt herself flood with relief. "I'm alright now, Doctor. Just a bad dream, that's all."

The Doctor sat down on her bed, near her feet. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked quietly.

Talking to him about her nightmare was the very last thing Rose wanted to do. Her friendship with the Doctor was cluttered enough with intense feelings; she really didn't want him to know that she felt more than she let on about him.

"Maybe in the morning."

She heard him sigh, then stand up as he turned to face her. "Well if you need anything, I'll just be down the hall, alright?" he announced. He pivoted on his heels and began to walk away.

Like the other nights this week, she knew sleep would not come to her. Not now. If she were to fall asleep again, the nightmares would surely return.

"Actually Doctor," Rose bit her lip. "D'ya think you could maybe lie down with me, just until I fall back asleep? I don't wanna be knackered tomorrow…" she trailed off.

The Doctor inhaled sharply. "Of course. Anything for you, Rose Tyler."

She moved over so that there would be room for him then laid back down on her side, her arms wrapped around her pillow. He climbed into bed with her. She knew that he wouldn't cuddle up to her, but his presence there was enough. With his body next to hers, she felt secure, safe.

"G'night then. Thanks Doctor," she whispered. She closed her eyes once again, focusing on the sounds of his breathing and that of her own. The humming of the TARDIS began to dim into the background as Rose felt her muscles relax, her body growing heavy.

"Goodnight, Rose," she heard the Doctor murmur from next to her, barely audible. With that, Rose gave into sleep and let herself slip into the realms of unconsciousness.

**xxxxxxxx**

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I'm sorry this ended up such a short chapter, but I have lots in store for these two! Leave me a review :) **


	2. Banana Muffins and Broken Hearts

_Crash!_ The sounds of clinking metal and loud booms woke Rose from her deep sleep. _The Doctor and his "unconventional" ways of piloting the TARDIS_, she mused to herself, her eyelids fluttering open so she could roll her eyes at him. She turned over in her bed. The blood-red digits of her digital alarm clock now stared at her. 7:45 am. Rose let out a groan. _Really Doctor? You couldn't have waited an hour or two?_

Bringing her hands to her face, Rose rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as she attempted to remember the events of the night before. Her thoughts were stifled between yawns. She threw her arms down and let her eyes wander around her room. She gasped, filled with sudden epiphany as she recalled last night's encounter with the Doctor. _He had slept in bed with her._

Of course slept was all they had done last night, but it was a boundary that they had not yet crossed in their two years of traveling together. Rose hadn't expected the Doctor to wake up next to her, and he hadn't bothered to. It was something that he would find altogether uncomfortable and awkward, a confrontation that would prove embarrassing for the both of them. More memories from that night flooded to her mind. _Her nightmare!_ She had told the Doctor that they could talk out her dream today. Rose felt a combination of apprehension and mortification wash over her at the thought of telling him. Could she allow herself to be that vulnerable with him?

Rose stumbled out of bed, immediately filled with regret. Whether the regret was from the night's events or from the mere action of leaving the comforts of her sleep fortress seemed unclear to her, but she knew the hollow feeling of remorse had burrowed itself in her stomach. She sighed, then sluggishly made her way to her en suite to freshen up for another day spent travelling with the Doctor and for a conversation that may very well change the basis of their entire friendship.

**xxxxxxxx**

The Doctor ran his sonic screwdriver over the central console one more time, then stood back in admiration as he watched the TARDIS's lights blink just a little bit brighter and her engine hum just a little bit softer. He lightly traced his hand along some of her controls as he looked around at the whole of his ship. A smirk played on his lips, growing into a smile so big that he was practically beaming.

"A little maintenance was all you needed, yeah? Much better now, you are. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant…" he spoke to the TARDIS, trailing off as he continued to inspect her with his mouth in an "o" shape.

"Talking to the ship again, Doctor?" Rose teased, now joining him in the center console.

"Aye, be nice to her! You don't want to hurt her feelings. This ship's got a mind of her own," he replied easily. He pried his eyes from the controls and turned to look at Rose.

"You've been through a lot together," Rose murmured, her words coming out as more of a question than a statement.

"Nine-hundred years of travelling and non-stop adventure," he agreed, patting his hand on the ship.

"Nine-hundred years of putting up with you! Oi! Thank god I'll be lucky to get a hundred!" She shot him his favorite tongue-in-tooth smile, silently urging him to continue.

His eyes darkened and he winced a little at her words, but he continued with the bantering tone, "You'll be lucky if I don't throw you out here and now! Ugh, _humans!_"The doctor spat out the last word jokingly, then smirked at her, raising his eyebrows.

Rose burst out laughing, and naturally, he joined her. Both of them lived for moments like that; the good-natured bantering and the carefree lifestyle aboard the TARDIS. Rose laughed but couldn't help but feel a little empty inside. Would this end between them if she told him how she felt?

"Why are you up so early? I didn't expect you for another hour or so," the Doctor blinked a few times, looking deep in thought. "Actually... according to your sleep patterns, it should have been about 53 minutes and 40 seconds from now. Then again, your sleep was disturbed last night by a few nightmares, so naturally you would have slept even longer. Well unless your subconscious was still recovering in such a way that..."

"Doctor!" she interrupted him, rubbing her temples. Him and his rants. "Couldn't sleep in. Someone's tinkering woke me." She crossed her arms.

"Oh…" The Doctor looked down, then flickered his eyes to meet hers. He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry about that. I was going to make breakfast…"

"Well, go on then! I'm starved!"

The Doctor grinned and shook his head. He reached down to take her hand in his. "Let's get some food for the pink and yellow girl."

**xxxxxxxx**

The Doctor poured Rose a cup of tea and sat down across from her. Rose bit into her banana muffin, smiling to herself. The Doctor was trying hard to make up for waking her early. He caught onto her, his eyebrows raised.

"How did you sleep last night?" he asked, biting into his own muffin.

"Oh, well shouldn't you know?" she asked, hinting to their encounter last night.

He looked down and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. This was what he wanted to avoid. "Eer... your nightmare last night. Tell me about it, Rose."

Rose shifted in her seat uncomfortably. This was it. She stared at her muffin, studying it as she spoke. "I've just been having bad dreams lately, I guess. Always the same thing, they are. Always about… you," she spoke softly, unable to meet his eyes.

The Doctor took a deep breath and reached over the table to put his hand over hers. "What about me, Rose?" he asked. An almost ancient concentration coated his voice.

She gulped down her tea, trying to delay a reply as long as possible. He could tell.

"Rose…" he continued.

There was a different tone in the Doctor's voice now. It sounded almost as though he was… pleading with her. She looked up at him, staring into his big brown eyes. Indeed, his eyes had an earnest quality about them. They were locked with hers in an intense gaze.

Not yet breaking the gaze, she spoke even more softly than before. Her voice was almost a whisper. "I dreamed that I lost you. That you left me, like unwanted rubbish on the side of the road. You turned so cold and I was so alone…" Her vision blurred with tears.

His hand still covering hers across the table, the Doctor rubbed the back of Rose's hand with his thumb to comfort her. He swallowed hard, filled with many conflicting emotions. He cared about the beautiful human that sat across from him now, but that was the very problem. She was a human, limited to a life span that seemed like just a second in light of the eternity that stood before him. The Doctor wanted nothing more than to spend a forever with his brilliant Rose, but he knew that like a flower, she too would wither and die eventually. He had spent years suppressing as many intense feelings between them as he could, and now he sensed emotions were about to spill over. He couldn't let that happen. He cleared his throat.

"I would never leave you, Rose Tyler. Cross my hearts," he assured her.

The color returned to Rose's face. He took a deep breath. This was the hard part.

"But Rose, you and I, this is all we can ever be. We can't have a future," the Doctor stated, showing no trace of emotions in his voice.

She blinked several times, hiding the hurt that seemed to overwhelm all of her senses. She felt like a dam, holding back millions of gallons of water, or in her case, emotions. His words were a crack in her walls, and she felt herself burst as everything she had ever held back suddenly burst through that crack. She winced internally as she found herself reduced to pebbles, yet showed nothing on her face.

"O—Of course Doctor. Thank you for breakfast, but I'm not very hungry anymore," she announced.

Gathering up what remained of her dignity, she stood up, picked up her dishes, and walked over to the sink. She set her plates down, making more of a slamming sound than she had intended. Rose turned sharply on her heel and left the room, leaving behind the Doctor who stared after her with wide eyes. _What had he done?_

**xxxxxxxx**

**A/N: Happy New Years, everyone! Sorry to end on this note, but sometimes things need to fall apart before they can fall together. Thank you so much for reading, and please leave me a review! :) **


	3. Reunions and Relaxing Baths

**A/N: Warning! This chapter contains some language!**

Rose hurled herself down on her bed and hugged her knees to her chest. Her breath came in shaky ripples as she attempted to recover from her conversation with the Doctor. Laying in a fetal position, she turned to look at her nightstand. On it was a smiling picture of her and the Doctor that was proudly framed in a crystal frame she had picked up at a 51st century market. A burning lump forced itself into her throat. The picture had been taken on a visit to her mum's a few months ago. _How much simpler things were back then_, she couldn't help but think. Unable to take her eyes off the photo, she choked back the inevitable tears that threatened to spill over. In just a couple minutes since their breakfast conversation, Rose felt as though she had aged a few years.

Tears. Hot, salty tears rolled down her face freely now, as she lay down on her bed, burrowing her head into her pillow. She could smell the faint scent of the Doctor on her sheets, a fresh combination of spices, soap, and of course, bananas. Rose fought hard to suppress a smile at the thought of the Doctor's obsession with bananas. _Damn. _Had it really been only a few hours since he had come to her in the dark of night after she woke from a nightmare, holding her until she fell back asleep?

_We can't have a future._ Rose's thoughts tortured her as she replayed the Doctor's heart-shattering words in her head. A sob escaping her mouth, she buried her face further into the pillow, which was now soaked with tears. What had happened to her? She never cried like this.

**xxxxxxxx**

A faint knock on her door brought Rose back to reality. Her eyes fluttered open as she looked around her room, disoriented. Still in a trance-like state, she tried to deduct how she had gotten there. She must have dozed off earlier…

A second knock reverberated through her room, this one more forceful than the first. Rose squinted, knitting her eyebrows together as she focused her attention on the door. She knew that it couldn't be the Doctor, because he never knocked. She had found that out the hard way just a few months ago, when he had barged into her room to tell her about his plans for the day and ended up walking in on her as she was getting dressed. Rose felt her face grow hot as she recalled his reaction.

Her curiosity heightened, Rose stood up and went to her door. When she opened it, she found herself staring face to face with none other than…

"Jack!" Rose cried as her friend enveloped her in his arms. It had been months since she had last seen him, and he was the very person that she wanted to see at that moment. He embraced her for what seemed like eternity, then stood back to look at her.

"Rose, what happened? You look like hell." Jack's face fell as he looked her up and down, eyes wide and filled with worry.

"Sit with me?" she asked, moving out of the doorway to lead him into her room. She slumped down on her bed. Jack sat coolly in Rose's desk chair with it facing backwards, crossing his arms on the back of it.

"How have you been?" Rose questioned him politely. As much as she wanted to vent to Jack, to tell him everything that had happened, she managed to contain herself. She didn't want to throw all of her emotional baggage on him the second he walked in.

"The usual," Jack replied with his face painted in his signature smirk. "Met some people, spent some nights I can't remember… I'm sure you're wondering how I got here. After kicking some arse with my Torchwood team, I used my vortex manipulator to teleport here because I wanted to pay a visit to you and your little Time Lord boy-toy."

Rose winced at the last part, still sensitive to what had happened earlier. She let herself relax and playfully narrowed her eyes at her friend. "You teleported here on accident, didn't you?"

"Damn you, Rose Tyler. Can't you just be happy to see me?"

She smiled weakly, "'Course I'm happy to see you! Been way too long, it has!"

Jack raised his eyebrows at her. "Can't the two of you just shag and make up?"

The shift in conversation was quick enough to give Rose whiplash. "Jack… you know he isn't like that… In fact, I really don't think that would ever happen… Not after earlier…" She broke off and felt tears coming on again.

"You mean you the two of you haven't…?" His eyes widened.

She shook her head at him. _Really Jack? This was not the time to bring up her sex life._

The smirk was wiped off his face and he softened towards her, sympathy washing over him. "What did that inconsiderate git do to you? If he hurt you Rose, I'll kick his Time Lord (and very attractive) arse!"

He was angry now, and talked as though he was her overprotective older brother. She had never seen him behave this way.

"Oh, you know how the Doctor's been in this incarnation… he says things that come out more harshly than he intends…" she began, trying to find a place to start when explaining the conversation that had taken place over breakfast. She bit down hard on her lip. "Actually, I think he really meant what he said. 'S not really something that could've sounded any less cruel."

Rose went on to tell him everything that had happened, from her nightmare last night to her chat with the Doctor this morning. By the end of it, the water-works were full force and Jack's hands had curled themselves into fists. She could tell by the severe expression on his face that a confrontation between him and the Doctor was to be expected.

Soaking in what Rose had told him, Jack suggested that she take a hot shower to help her calm down.

"I'll wait here until you're done," he promised. "Unless you want me to join you." He wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.

She rolled her eyes at him, already looking through her wardrobe to find clothes to change into for the rest of the day. She settled on a pair of dark trousers, a baby blue v-neck, and her favorite grey jumper. Rose grabbed the clothes and headed to her en suite.

When Rose looked into her large mirror over her sink, the person staring back was not one she recognized. Her blonde hair was a knotted disaster with random strands of hair sticking out in every which direction. Her cheeks, besides looking uncharacteristically pale were stained with mascara that had smudged from all of her crying. She forced her puffy eyes from the mirror and walked over to the bathtub, which had already been filled with water and bubbles.

_Thank you, girl,_ she mused in appreciation to the TARDIS as she quickly undressed and stepped into the tub. The hot water revived her and she felt her misery wash away. _This ship really does have a mind of her own,_ Rose thought to herself as she closed her eyes blissfully and sunk to her nose in bubble bath.

**xxxxxxxx**

"Feeling better?" Jack asked when Rose stepped out of the en suite.

"Much better, actually. That was a good idea, to take a bath." She was wearing the outfit that she had picked out before and had wrapped her hair in a towel to dry. She sat down on her bed and looked at Jack expectantly.

The room suddenly started to shake and Rose and Jack found themselves thrown on the floor. "What the…" she started. She tried to stand but found herself tumbling back onto the ground.

A loud boom echoed through the room, causing the walls to tremble upon its reverberation. The shaking ceased and they could finally feel the floor beneath them. Rose let out a sigh of relief.

"The TARDIS has landed," Jack announced, standing up quickly and brushing off his clothes.

"Yeah, I gathered that."

Rose stood up. She grabbed the towel on her head and pulled it off, setting her wet locks free. She brushed a few fingers through her hair and looked at Jack, who was watching her intently.

"Well, d'ya wanna see where we've landed or not?" she asked him, making her way to the door. He followed suit.

"By the way, Rose, if you aren't getting any from the Doctor, you can always let the captain show you a good time."

Rose didn't turn around to look at him but she could hear the smirk in his voice. Before she could come up with a sarcastic response, her bedroom door flung open and they were staring at the Doctor. His face was paler than Rose had ever seen it.

"We're on the planet Oublieux," the Doctor announced.

Rose heard Jack mutter under his breath. "Shit."

**xxxxxxxx**

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading and staying patient with me while it took me a little to update. I wanted to make sure I was completely happy with it before I posted. Please leave me a review because I greatly appreciate each and every one I receive! See you on the update :) **


	4. Meadows and Memory Loss

"Oublieux." Rose repeated the strange name, her mouth curling around the word. It tasted foreign on her lips.

The Doctor looked over at her, his brown eyes wide. He blinked several times.

"It's French, meaning "forgetful." Welll… actually it is derived from Oublieux's native peoples, but the word was likely integrated into multiple languages, including human French, by travelers like us. Strange to think the travelers probably forgot where they heard it…" he trailed off, gaze stuck in a "spaced out" look while he stared at nothing in particular.

"The time lord over here has been avoiding the planet for years now," Jack chimed in. Rose had almost forgotten that he was there. He was leaning against the door frame with one foot propped up behind him, inspecting his fingernails coolly.

Rose looked to the Doctor, eyebrows knitted together.

"Doctor, is that true? 's not like you to avoid an adventure."

He continued to appear lost in thought. "I wasn't _avoiding _Oublieux," the Doctor turned to face her. "I couldn't find it. Everyone who has ever visited the planet has forgotten. Bit of a legend."

He pivoted on his heels and started toward the console room. Rose had to jog to keep up with him, Jack trailing not far behind.

The Doctor grabbed his coat from the console chair, making his way to the door.

"Why d'ya keep talking about people forgetting this place? Is it that dull?" Rose started, crossing her arms over her chest. She wasn't satisfied with his earlier explanation. The Doctor and Jack's initial reactions still bothered her. There was something they weren't telling her.

"Oh yes. Welllll… It seems as though there is a force on the planet that keeps its visitors from remembering their trip. Or anything else for that matter," the Doctor explained, his eyes dark.

"The Mangeurs de Mémoire," Jack added, placing his hand on Rose's shoulder.

The Doctor nodded gravely. "Those are the natives to Oublieux. Human French for 'Memory eaters,' except technically it's not really from humans that we get their name, because the humans who visited Oublieux-"

"Yeah, yeah. The whole thing with the human French really coming from Oublieux language," Rose cut him off mid-sentence. There were more pressing issues on her mind then the roots of alien linguistics. "But what do these things look like, the memory eaters? How do they get people's memories?"

"That's just it though. No one knows because they can't remember it. Whatever these 'mangeurs de memoire' are, they use memories as a source of energy, of life. Unfortunately for us, we won't know what they look like until it's probably too late," the Doctor replied.

Rose narrowed her eyes at him. "So pretty much, we're on an alien planet where everyone loses their memory and we don't even have a clue what the creatures look like?"

"Yep," he agreed, popping the "p" sound.

The Doctor flashed a brilliant smile and took her hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Rose felt all of her previous reluctance melt away. She knew that no matter what danger may face them, the Doctor was worth it.

He led them to the door. "Allons-y!"

**xxxxxxxx**

Several bright suns and an earth-like forest greeted Jack, Rose, and the Doctor when they stepped off the TARDIS. Rose looked around, admiring the beautiful landscape. Tall trees stretched high all around them, the branches of the trees overflowing with leaves of every variation of green. She could hear chirping songs from bird-like creatures. In the middle of the forest was a sundrenched meadow filled with lush alien flowers.

"It's so beautiful!" Rose breathed, taking in her surroundings like a small child in a candy shoppe. She must have sounded like a child too, because the Doctor let out a chuckle.

"It truly is brilliant," the Doctor agreed, his face lit up like a fireworks display.

Jack let out an exaggerated sigh. "Well I'd love to just stand here and take in the beauty of nature… buuuut I have some locals to find. The memory-eaters aren't the only ones who can make someone lose their memories." He winked at the last part.

The Doctor rolled his eyes at him. "Good idea." Rose shot him a strange look. "The part about finding the locals," he stumbled, quickly trying correct himself.

Rose had to bite down hard on her lip to suppress a giggle. The Doctor cleared his throat.

"I think that I'd be good for us all to look around, and see what we can find. I have to run some tests on a few samples back in the TARDIS…" His eyes darted wildly at some of the plants around them, many of which they had never seen before. "But you lot should be fine on your own for a bit."

Jack nodded and gave the Doctor a mock salute. He began to walk away, off to find something or someone with a compatible physiology to mate with.

Rose shook her head, laughing at him. "That man…" She looked back at the meadow she had seen before. She started to walk toward it, but the Doctor grabbed her wrist.

"Rose, please be careful." He turned her to face him. His eyes were big and pleading.

"Aren't I always?"

The Doctor chuckled. "Rose Tyler, you are a magnet for danger. Really, please come find me if you see anything strange. I shouldn't be gone for too long though."

"I'll be fine. And if I do happen to see anything, I can just phone you." She poked at the phone in the pocket of her jeans. "Now go play with your alien plants, you daft man." She playfully shooed him away.

The Doctor bent down to pull leaves off of several strangely colored branches that lay around them. He gave her a beaming smile before heading back to the TARDIS, leaving her to herself.

Rose continued toward the beautiful meadow, which seemed to have a dream-like aura surrounding it. The field was filled with flowers of all different sizes, colors, and shape, and each flower she saw became her new favorite. A pleasant perfume-like smell hung in the air and filled her lungs. _Oublieux isn't dangerous_, she mused to herself as she sat down on the soft green grass. _It's beautiful!_

A wave of exhaustion hit Rose. She let herself sink into the grass, which felt like a mattress beneath her small figure. _A kip sounds nice. It's just a nice meadow. And the grass is so soft…_

Rose let her eyes wander shut. She could faintly hear the sounds of melodious singing off in the distance. She felt herself slowly black out as she gave in to her exhaustion.

**xxxxxxxx**

Rose's eyes fluttered open to reveal the Doctor's face hovering over her. Surprised, she recoiled away from him, stumbling to her feet. She looked him over, her forehead creased with confusion.

"How was your sleep?" he asked slowly, giving her an odd look.

"It was really good. The grass is really comfy." Her eyes continued to dart across his face.

"Fantastic! I've run those tests on the plants. Jack hasn't come back, so I assume he's found someone to entertain himself with. We should probably go look for him."

"That sounds great, but one thing first," Rose squinted her eyes at him, as though she was trying to look at something far away. "Who are you?"

**xxxxxxxx **

**A/N: Thank you all for reading the story and for your wonderful reviews. They mean the world to me. I apologize for taking so long to update, but I've been going through a lot of personal issues lately and my life has been nothing short of hectic. Please leave me a review, and I'll see you on the update! **


End file.
